We always knew David Silver was a poser, he actually released a rap album “One Stop Carnival” in 1996, but now his latest identity crisis is thinking he’s the head of ”a ruthless, terrorist organization determined to rule the world.” Only someone like Brian Austin Douchebag would want to be a supervillian who’s incredibly inane plots including investing millions of dollars in sneaking miniaturized troops inside kids’ Christmas presents.  

The real schemer in the relationship is actually Megan Fox, who by dating the least threatening man in the world makes every horny 16-year-old think they actually have a chance.

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Say what you want about Naomi Campbell but even at 37 her breasts are no low hanging pancakes. But she is sporting her best Aunt Jemima face in this series of photos for i-D Magazine.

Naomi would make the best Uncle Tom ever. Could you imagine if she was a housekeeper Down South, and her white massa’ asked her to clean the dishes? 200 years later, his descendants would still be trying to pick shards of glass out of his face. And don’t even get me started on what she’d do to the actual colored folk on the plantation… that bitch serously doesn’t like housekeepers.

Not safe for work topless pics via

When a show has aired 419 episodes like The Simpsons, you figure every possible story has been told, but I’m fairly sure the episode where the girls drop trow Hustler style is a new angle. In fact I think we’re looking at several new angle here. 

Way I figure, Marge posed in an attempt to spice up the marriage with Homer, Lisa because all the Peta kids were doing it, and Ms. Krabappel, well we all know that bitch would do anything to try to get a man to notice her.

Anyway, I snapped these cigarette lighters around the corner from my house before leaving with a Ms. Krabappel… because home girl rolls like that.    

I don’t know why everyone thinks “Goddamn, I love nigger cock” is racist, now if Dolly Parton had said “Goddamn, I hate nigger cock”, that would have been racist.

Never the less, singer/songwriter/flotation device Dolly Parton has her big blond wig up in a bunch because on a bit last week Howard Stern had on his radio show, where he spliced up audio of Dolly reading from “Dolly: My Life and Other Unfinished Business” so it exposed her dark, filthy thoughts.

Anyway, Dolly says she’s “completely devastated” by the bit, because Kenny Rogers called her after it aired and the part about how he “loved to piss inside little boy’s ass holes” turned out to be completely correct.

Anyway, because I’m having some problem with embedding at the moment, you can check out the complete audio of Dolly Parton’s reprehensible tirade here.

Seriously, what the hell is that woman holding? When I go to the pool, I just take sunblock, but I have to admit, that’s probably ten times better at releasing the tension than a dip in the jacuzzi.

But you can be sure what that woman is looking at isn’t Kate Hudson’s face. Because while her ass might be cute, how can I say this… you know those girls who are so pretty they don’t even have to wear makeup?

Kate Hudson isn’t one of them.

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Great, so I had this dis when I was going to go there’s nothing to say about Lily’s breasts that she hasn’t said herself, then quote that song that goes “You’re not big, you’re not special” only when I looked it up, turns out the actual lyrics are “Not big, not clever”.

Shit. I paid $9.99 for that CD; whatever happened to the customer is always right?

Anyway, the Cannes Film Festival which doesn’t actually start until next week. Guess that explains why she isn’t dressed yet.

Allen’s body would actually look pretty decent if she just did something about the hideous bleach job… do French hairdressers still use a guillotine?

Uncensored Lily Allen topless picture via

How can you show your ass if you don’t have one?

(P.S. - Apple is not a suitable name for a child, try again.)

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So apparently to spice up their relationship for their one year anniversary, Kim Kardashian decided to make boyfriend Reggie Bush a sexy calendar of herself. How do I know all this? Because she posted the entire thing on here website here.

Only because Kim had a little (okay big) cellulite problem she first decided to have a non surgical procedure done that stimulates the blood circulation and minimizes her cellulite. How do I know all this? Because she plugged the cellulite removal place, Velashape, on her website and showed the entire procedure on her E! reality show, which you can see the video of here.

Now I know what your thinking, posting an online calender and plugging a laser treatment doesn’t sound like a very intimate gift, but when she literally released a sex tape of her being intimate with her last boyfriend… well trust me, this really is Kim showing restraint. (more…)

SJP is like an evil genius, of course she knows that head of cabbage she’s calling a hat is the ugliest thing you’ve ever seen in your life; the point is it’s fugly powers distract you from noticing that the world premiere for the Sex in The City movie was held in London and not NYC.

Anyway, the outfit is the fault work of Alexander McQueen, a British designer infamous for such stunts as entitling a collection “Highland Rape” and the time he carved double amputee Aimee Mullins wood legs so she could strut the catwalk.

But don’t tell that last part to Sarah J. - you just know it would end with her wearing a wooden leg on her head.

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Forget Megan Fox, the only Hollywood starlet I would go lesbo for is that hot bitch Kim Possible. She’d dump Ron Stoppable’s ass and we’d blow out of Middleton, spending the rest of our days hunting down all the frenemies from middle school who promised they’d invite me to their birthday party, then totally didn’t.    

Unfortunately, my dike revenge fantasy is exactly that and since her self titled Disney series got canceled in 2007, my gal crush has fallen on hard times. There was that TV reality show where she moved in with Bonnie Rockwaller, a series of ill recieved rom-coms with matthew mcconaughey, and finally a disastrous botox procedure performed by a physician named Dr. Drakken.

Deformed, with her mouth permanently stuck in a half smile, the sitch got so bad that now the only work Kim Possible can get is doing naked photo shoots, or starring in sex comics where true to her name, anything really is possible.   

Anyway, you can see the rest of the Kim Possible naked photo shoot at ToonFamiles.net, but I’m warning you, the site seemed really spammy.